


Stay Alive

by momiji_neyuki



Series: The Shadow Side [8]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Attempt, F/M, Forgiveness, Ghosts of the Past - Freeform, Guilt, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injury Recovery, M/M, Water, You'll see...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7666936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momiji_neyuki/pseuds/momiji_neyuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>Stay alive for the good times</b>
  <br/>
  <b>Stay alive through the bad</b>
  <br/>
  <b>Stay alive for the hopes and the fears and the dreams</b>
  <br/>
  <b>The best that we ever had</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> So this is series is almost over. Just one more to go. It has been pretty epic and I am really happy about the response! ^-^
> 
> Please enjoy guys.

Frank groaned. He had an incredible headache. He tried to get out of bed to get some pain meds but he found he could not move. He must have drank too much last night. Instead he drifted back off to sleep.

*

*

*

This time an incessant beeping woke him up. Once again he tried to get up, the pain worse than before. Instead he leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up. He groaned and coughed and felt like he was in his own personal hell. When nothing else would come up he lay back down and let the darkness take him again.

**Your thoughts become your enemies**

**When you're locked inside this cage**

**Life can feel dead to me**

**And all that's left is rage**

”Gerard, this is crazy! Why are you even here, why do you even give a shit!?”

”The man almost killed himself, Mikey! Look, I don’t know why I was there to stop it but I was! I was meant to!”

”Gerard, you can’t get sucked back in again, he nearly killed you!”

”I know! I know, I…I can’t explain it okay?”

”And what about Bob, can you explain it to him?”

”Mikey, Bob and I…we talked. It…it just isn’t working out.”

”Why? Because of this crazy obsession with Frank?”

”No, Bob is still in love with his ex. He told me the truth about it. We talked for hours about it in the park. Bob is going back to Chicago. We are going to remain good friends though.”

”So now you go running back to Frank? Why were you even there?”

”I saw him at the movies when we went. He looked…I don’t know, I knew something wasn’t right. I went back to the apartment but he had moved. I went to the restaurant where he works but he was fired. I just had a feeling…that he was in trouble.”

”I don’t know, Gee…”

”Just trust me on this, Mikey. I am different now.”

”I just…”

”I know, Mikey, I know.”

”Way?”

Their coffees were ready so Mikey and Gerard stepped up and grabbed them. Gerard had a few more hours before he could visit again. They sat down and talked for a bit longer.

**Regrets for all the time we wasted**

**Thinking of ourselves**

**Holding onto pain you tasted**

**Living in this hell**

His dreams were plagued with memories of Gerard as they had been since he saw him that night in the restaurant. So many bad memories overshadowing the good. So many times he could have held the petrified man instead of being the reason he was petrified. That is why he killed himself…but wait…how was he still alive then? Frank opened his eyes slowly. He took in the room. It was white and sterile. The beeping he heard came from a monitor. He couldn’t move his arms because he was strapped down, an IV in his arm. He was in a hospital. Someone saved him. A nurse button was near his fingers. He pressed it and waited.

“Well someone is finally awake. Are you still feeling sick?”

”Thirsty.”

Frank’s voice was raspy and he wondered how long it had been since he used it last. The nurse poured a cup of water from a pitcher. It had condensation on it so Frank knew the water would be cold. She placed a straw in it and put it to his lips.

”Slowly now, okay?”

Frank nodded and listened. He sipped the cold water slowly. It was the best thing he ever tasted.

”What day is it?”

”It’s Sunday.”

”Oh, so it has only been a few days then.”

”Um…no, Frank, it’s been a few weeks.”

”Wait…it’s October already?”

”Yes.”

”But that means…”

”You really worried your family, especially your fiancé.”

”I don’t have a f…”

Frank wanted to say fiancée but he was ashamed.

”…family.”

”Nonsense, your mom has been here to see you almost every day and your father dropped by with your sister a couple of times. Not to mention your fiancé’s mother.”

Now Frank knew she was crazy. Gerard’s mom didn’t even know him.

”Knock knock?”

Frank looked over and his eyes went wide with shock. It was indeed his fiancée’s mother. He had not seen her since the funeral.

”Well, look who’s awake?

”Vera.”

”I’ll leave you two to talk.”

The nurse left and Frank felt the absence.

”How have you been, Frankie?”

”I’m alright, you?”

”A slight bit better than you it seems.”

”Yeah, well you know, shit happens…oops, sorry I know you don’t like cursing.”

”Oh stop it, Frankie, you are not the good catholic boy you once were. We all grow up in different ways.”

”Well, I guess you have changed.”

”As have you. I’ve been talking to your friend…Gerard?”

Frank swallowed hard.

”You have?”

”Oh yes.”

Vera had a seat in one of the visitor chairs. She poured more cool water for Frank and held the cup out for him to drink through the straw.

”Thank you.”

**Don't wanna go back home tonight**

**So I drive this road alone**

”So, how do you know Gerard?”

”He actually works for me.”

”Oh, small world huh?”

”Yes, very small. Imagine my surprise when one of my best employees needs some time off cause he has a family emergency. Well of course I wanted to know if everything was okay with his brother first and he tells me about you. He shows me a picture on his phone and well, how could I forget what you look like? Still in the picture, you did not look so good. Pretty strung out, drunk, track marks up your arm…care to explain?”

Vera pulled the straw away and put the glass down. Frank had gone mute.

”You don’t have to. Gerard broke down and told me everything. Did you know he was such a sensitive young man, of course you did, you were with him for two and a half years. It’s interesting though, he didn’t know that you were once engaged, nor did he know who Ta…”

”Stop, please no more.”

Frank felt his stomach lurch. All the water he consumed came up and dribbled out all over him. Vera rang for the nurse right away.

”I fear I upset him without meaning to.”

”Give me a second to clean him up.”

Vera nodded and left the room.

”Fuck, why didn’t I die? Why did he have to save a monster like me!”

Frank began to thrash in the bed, tearing at his bindings. The nurse grabbed him

”Stop that!”

”NO! I DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE! I NEARLY DESTROYED THE MOST PERFECT HUMAN BEING IN THE WORLD! I NEARLY KILLED HIM AND THEN HE SAVED ME! WHY!”

”Cause maybe deep down he still cares for you?”

Frank looked up and saw Gerard in the doorway. He threw up again and then passed out.

*

*

*

**Stay alive for the good times**

**Stay alive through the bad**

**Stay alive for the hopes and the fears and the dreams**

**The best that we ever had**

Frank woke up and looked around. It was dark. He groaned and went to reach for the nurse button when he heard a small chuff. He let his eyes adjust and saw Gerard in the visitor’s chair. It apparently folded out into a single bed. The light from the street lamp outside was filtering through the blinds and cast lines of illumination across his face, highlighting his eyes and lips. He had blond hair now and it was in an adorable disarray. Frank shivered and tried to cough quietly but he failed. Gerard opened his eyes.

”Frankie.”

Frank tried to shrink back as Gerard got up and moved towards him.

”Go away.”

His voice was raspy from irritation of the bile and non-use.

”No.”

”Why, why are you here, why aren’t you home with your boyfriend who cares about you.”

”I don’t have one anymore.”

”What?!”

Frank tried to sit up but of course could not. Gerard reached out and elevated the bed slightly.

”We decided to call it quits. It was mutual.”

”But you were so in love, I mean I saw you in the park and…”

”You saw me?”

”Well I mean…that is, I was…”

Gerard smiled with a light chuckle.

”That was the day we broke up.”

”You looked so happy, both of you!”

”Yeah, cause we knew we were making the right decision. It was silly to hold onto something that we knew would end our friendship in the future.”

”You’re still friends?”

”Yup.”

”Wow, I’m happy for you.”

”Thanks, but I don’t want to talk about me.”

”Oh, sorry I…”

”I want to talk about us.”

”There is no us.”

”There used to be though.”

”That was the past.”

Frank coughed again and Gerard poured water from what seemed like a new pitcher. Frank wondered how amazing his nurse was that she always had cold water. It seemed like such a small thing but it was so appreciated.

”Actually, it was not the past.”

Gerard put the straw in the cup and held it to Frank’s lips.

”What do you mean?”

Frank took a sip. It was so delicious he let out a groan. Gerard chuckled again and waited till Frank was done drinking before he pulled the straw away.

”Well having a past means that we knew about each other. I found out that I really knew nothing about you.”

”Vera.”

”Yeah, Frankie, how come you never told me that you were engaged?”

”It didn’t seem important?”

”Didn’t seem important? You lost your fiancée a month before the wedding!”

Frank cringed.

”You never told me anything. You kept that secret and let it fester into drugs and alcohol and eventual abuse.”

”I know and that’s why I don’t understand why you saved me? You could have let me die and been free of me forever.”

”Then I would have been no different than you. Losing someone you love with no way to stop it.”

**I keep telling myself I can take you**

**From this God-forsaken place**

**Stay alive for the good times**

**Stay alive through the bad**

”Tell me about her please.”

Frank took a deep breath. He had not even spoke her name since her death.

”Her name was…Tabitha. She was…beautiful. My first love. We were high school sweethearts. Crazy in love. We went to the same college…we were kind of ridiculous.”

”I think you sounded precious.”

Frank gave a small smile when he thought about the laughter they shared.

”I asked her to marry me when we graduated. I made a fool of myself. She laughed but she said yes. We had six perfect months after that and then…the pain started.”

Frank looked out the window.

”It started with a small pain. Little headaches and a slight cough. She took over the counter pills but soon she had to see a doctor. They gave her scripts for migraines. It worked for a bit, but then she got a headache so bad that she blacked out at work. She was…on a ladder at the time…”

Gerard cringed.

”She broke her leg. Ended up in the hospital. That’s how we found out…”

”It was a tumor wasn’t it?”

Gerard spoke softly.

”Yes. She had one in her brain that was sizable, but she also had them in her lungs. She was running out of time fast.”

**Stay alive**

Frank was asleep. After his story he was exhausted. Gerard watched him for a bit and then decided to go and grab some coffee.

”Did he talk to you?”

Gerard turned and saw his boss.

”Yeah he did.”

Gerard motioned for her to sit down.

”So much pain and he kept it all inside, using the drugs and alcohol to tamp it down.”

”I wonder why he never told you.”

**Your fear controls everything**

**Never let you turn the page (Let you turn the page)**

**We end up only settling**

**For when we both felt sane**

”I think because…”

Gerard looked up thoughtfully.

”…it was easier for him. Yeah, gaining all those addictions was not a genius move, but rather than opening to his heart to a hurt that he had no control over or thought he had no control over, it was the better choice in his mind.”

”You could have had the amazing relationship that he had with Tabby instead of all the abuse you went through.”

”It’s still possible.”

”Gerard.”

Vera looked at the man before her. He could have been her daughter. He reminded her of him in little ways. She didn’t believe in reincarnation since it was against the Catholic teachings but maybe…

”You are a good man, Gerard. I hope it all works out for you.”

”Thank you, Vera, you have been amazing and understanding through all this.”

”Just remember that the next time I dole out an assignment you hate.”

Gerard laughed and leaned over and hugged Vera tightly.

”Take care of him. Bring him back to us.”

”I will.”

Vera kissed his cheek and left. Gerard texted Mikey for a bit as he finished his coffee then he headed up to Frank’s room again.

**Reaching out for something that**

**You can't quite hold onto**

**Say goodbye and start it over**

**When there's nothing left for you**

Gerard awoke to the whimpering. He looked up from his make-shift bed and saw that Frank was doing little jerky movements in his sleep. He yawned and got up. Walking over, he tried to wake Frank up.

”Frankie, come on, Frankie.”

”Tabby.”

Gerard jumped a bit when Frank reached out to him calling her name. He was not surprised to hear him say her name, he had been whispering it for years, just Gerard never knew who she was. What surprised him was the reaching out. The restraints made it almost impossible. Gerard felt bad for the restraints when Frank’s whimpering became crying.

”Fuck it.”

Gerard undid the side away from the IV and pulled the safety bars down. He crawled into the bed and wrapped his arms around the smaller man. Frank whimpered pushing in, seeking out the body. He hugged it tightly.

”Tabby, I hurt him. I hurt him so badly. Why, why did I do it?”

Gerard saw Frank’s eyes fluttering slightly. He was deep in REM sleep so he had to be dreaming of her. He just carded his fingers through his hair.

”It’s okay, Frankie, I forgive you. We are going to get through all this. Together we are going to find the man you used to be.”

Frank’s whimpers started to calm a bit as he snuggled into Gerard’s body. Gerard smiled. He knew it was going to take time and a lot of patience, but they were going to get through this and Gerard would finally meet the real Frank Iero.


End file.
